Tuesday, October 14, 2008
I hear you Matt, Thanks and much love to you....
My Nephew Matt, 22 years old passed away last Sunday. My boys and I went out to San Jose for the burial and memorial service this past weekend, and it donned on me how much I have changed in the past several years....in a good way.
Matt is a twin with his brother Daniel and I could never tell them apart. They have an older brother Chet and you could not meet nicer young men, a true reflection on their Mother and Father, Lynn and Frank.
During our stay in San Jose, I had some really great experiences that I just want to relate and you can take them as you will. The first one was so clear in that I really do live what I preach within this Blog, at least to a small extent and it came from Matt. I feel like I really connected with Matt the few days we were there and developed a way for me to stay connected to him whenever I choose, which will be often.
The first came on Friday at the grave side service. Matt is half Native American, and his uncle and some cousins sang the Coyote song which is a song of honor. They sang the song with a drum. And the emotions that flowed from everyone there I felt were very much elicited from the drum beat and song, but for me more the drum beat. I work very hard at letting spirit flow through me and it was very prevalent then. The message that I received, and not so much in words or thoughts, but knowing was that the perspective of being so much more than we are in this physical world is in fact the case. My two boys stood in front of me and I had a sense of sharing with them as well as with everyone else there, knowing that for each of us it was different but at the same time the same. The idea that we are in this world but not of it!!
The pastor presiding over the burial was one of Dan and Matt's football coaches from when they were younger and he was talking about conversations that he and Matt had. He quoted a verse from the bible about when Jesus was asked who he was, and I knew exactly what he was going to say without even knowing the verse. The answer that Jesus gave Thomas who had asked him was "I am the way, I am the light and no man shall pass through to the kingdom of heaven but through me". I smiled when he read the passage and wondered if anyone else interpreted it the same way that I did......but heard the thought "it does not matter, it only matters what it means to you".....and then in succession the thoughts came "know thyself", "if you do not go within, you go without", and "nothing is more important than your well being".....nothing new to me in ways of thinking, but it was so clear that Matt was communicating to me that I was on track. Palpable was the feeling of being connected with Spirit......In-spirit-ation, or inspiration!!
The next definite moment of connection came the next evening at my sisters house, and everyone was talking about the Memorial, and a slide show of pic's of Matt, Chet said there were 309 of them. One of Lynn's friends asked if they did that on purpose, choosing 309 because Matt and Dan were born on 3/9. Everyone was so surprised, and Lynn commented "that is so wierd, we didn't count them we just kept picking pictures until we stopped". I just smiled, knowing instantly it was Matt. I remember thinking I couldn't wait to see the slide show, but as I was thinking this, Chet had pulled up a facebook page with pictures of Matt and asked if I wanted to look.......which of course I did. I began looking at them, and almost everyone was with Matt and at least one very good looking girl having a great time partying......it only took a second for me to have the thought, Matt lived his life in "well being". You could see it in his eyes and his smile.
I tell people all the time, be selfish about your well being, there is nothing more important for you or those you interact with than your well being, that is where you are at your best and make the greatest impact on Life. Looking at those pictures of Matthew was like, BAM!!! there is nothing more important not just for you, but for everyone you interact with and then those they interact with and so on.......and Matt obviously made that kind of impact on the people he interacted with. The comfort I felt looking at the pictures and having the thoughts flow is hard to describe.
Next instance was at the Memorial which was held at Matt, Dan and Chet's high shcool gymnasium. We got there about an hour early and I sat down with my Mom. After talking and taking in the energy in the building for twenty or thirty minutes, I turned around to look for my oldest sister and there had to be 500 people that had come in unbeknownst to me. I was blown away. Both Dan and Chet, Matt's brothers spoke and each of them challenged everyone to live their lives in such a way that nothing is taken for granted. They talked about keeping Matt close to their heart and living in a way that honored life. It was very moving and a very proud moment for people. As Dan was talking, the thought came into my mind so clear and prevalent that I knew it was Matt......and the thought was, at anytime that I want to pass judgement on anyone, be it someone that cuts me off in traffic or someone that is just annoying me or someone that is holding up a line in a store......to stop any ill feelings about them and send them Love instead. And in doing so, not only does that enhance my well being, it enhances theirs and Matt is with me and them........everytime. I knew it was Matt sending me the inspiration because I remember thinking it was funny that I would think about anyone cutting me off in traffic.....first because it rarely happens anymore and second because I think I am really good about catching myself and stopping any ill thoughts about them.........and the inspiration came that I can be better at it.......everyone can. Another inspiration came through very clearly, that being "Teach through your actions". It's easy to tell someone something, or repeat something you have read that is meaningful.......but to live it is something completely different, and at the risk of sounding trite, it hit me that I live what I profess.......but can always do better.
My belief is that we come into this physical life for a specific purpose and it manifests in different and strange ways many times in ways that are not realized by those around us. And it's likely that its up for interpretation by each of us what other's purpose is.......my interpretation of Matt's purpose was the importance of our own Well Being, and Matt and his purpose are not gone, they will be with me way past my time in the physical experience known as ToeMaas.........because my well being, your well being and Matt's are only different in our interpretation......ultimately they are all the same as we are all the same........One!!! God, Source, Life energy, whatever you represent ultimate reality to be.......we are it, ONE.......only perceived to be separate.
Be Well, Be Love........live with the illusion of being separate, not in it!!