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Friday, October 29, 2010

Adding or Subtracting, which are you doing?

Your doing one or the other at any given moment! Are you adding to life or subtracting. Are you growing or not? When you are out of alignment are you growing or subtracting? That depends what you do with it, do you use it as an opportunity to learn and move forward by understanding it for what it is or do you let it go......many times, just to repeat it at a later time?

Problems are the polar opposites of the solution. When in resistance or out of alignment, your mired in the problem. When in alignment and allowance your emersed in the solution. When your frustrated with somebody else, your definitely out of alignment with yourself. Why do we allow others to frustrate us so much. Well, if we can see it for what it is, the opposite of the solution, we can easily move from the frustration to the solution. Part of the problem is that we get such tunnel vision about what the solution is that we close off the unlimited potentialities that we have access to.

Helen Keller has a famous quote that is relevant to this issue, and I'm paraphrasing the quote, but it is something like this, "you see a man made world, while all I can see is a God made world". What this means to me is that we lose touch with our true potential because of what we see in front of us as real and true, we get caught up in the material world, while Helen only saw what she thought and her thoughts were hers to have. If they were not serving her, she let them go and replaced them with thoughts and visions or interpretations that did serve her. What if you did that?

What if when mired in frustration, you just changed your thoughts, even just a little bit? You would move from frustration towards alignment and allowance. Sounds obscure and a little aery faery, I know, but what's the alternative? Sitting in frustration.

I have been getting a slew of e-mails and facebook messages about Voting in the upcoming elections. I don't vote, for a number of reasons, not the least of which is that politics just is of no interest to me and no politician has ever done anything that has ever affected me. Other peeps hold the notion that by not voting, I'm not patriotic or then I can't complain about the laws we live by. I don't complain about the laws, I don't even think about them. My actions are determined by what feels right or what my desires are. And those guiding principles serve me very well, I generally don't break laws, because most of the things that laws govern don't feel good to me to do. But my thoughts are not governed by laws, i don't wear a seat belt and it's a law. Am I a rebel? No, I just don't like seat belts on me. And I don't get pulled over for it either......I wonder why? Because I don't even think about it. Get it?

What you give your thoughts to you activate. So do you want to add or subtract with your thoughts? Add, grow, expand with your thoughts!! Get deliberate about what your thoughts are and what state you spend time in. See a god made reality rather than a man made one and see what happens!!!

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Aligned parenting version 1.0

Yes, version 1.0....this is an ongoing evolution with many iterations. So this week, my son's Mom received news of more missing assignments and grades slipping. Frsutrating for her, she gets all the bad news from school. But I am committed to being an aligned parent and know that change does not happen overnight, or does it?

Yesterday afternoon, when my son arrived for the weekend, I made sure that before I spoke to him about his school, I was aligned.....meaning I was anything but frustrated or anxious. I was at ease, I know he is a tapped in, tuned in old soul and there is nothing to worry about especially when I am deliberate in where I am when I interact with him. It's all good and with the right approach his grades will turn around in a heartbeat. Oh, and they are just grades!!! Okay that one will send some peeps over the edge, but I call it as I see it. Am I being irresponsible as a parent to take that perspective? NO!!! I'm being very responsible for my well being, which is where I am most responsible for my parenting.

So a little perspective on interactions about school in the past with my son. By me being even a little out of alignment with my true tapped in Self, the interactions were text book conventional; parent talking at the child, making attempts to connect with the child, but ultimately the child is shut down. Now this doesn't mean I was yelling at him, I don't do that, I was talking calmly about how important school is and even throwing in a little strengths coaching to allow him to use his natural talents to make it easier for him to do the work. His answers were generally the same, he didn't know why he didn't do his homework and then that eventually escalated to his teachers are not keeping track of his assignments and then nobody is doing well in the class, placing blame on the teacher.......which resulted in what, parents frustration level heightening (moving further out of alignment) and nothing changed. Oh he might make some baby steps, but the issue keeps escalating. Not the desired outcome, but conventionally I was being a responsible parent by grounding him, taking away privileges, his phone, etc..........all of which did not work to achieve the desired result.

It's not about the school work, it's not about the grades, it's about my relationship with myself and his Mom's relationship with herself. It's always about that, that's all we have. It comes down to, do we want life to be easy or painful? That's it, nothing more!!! And where does easy come from? Tapped in alignment with your True Self, with the divine, the infinite potential that we always have access to when we allow it.

So, the aligned parenting conversation with my son went something like this, well exactly like this. I asked him how school was doing? He said pretty good, he had a D and some missing assignments but was working on getting them turned in. I asked him what class the D was in, he said reading......and I smiled with no angst on my part, just amused by his story of how all the kids were struggling with reading. The conversation evolved to an open dialogue (with smiles and yes, laughter) about how easy it would be if he just did his homework and turned it in.....and both of us were smiling the entire time. At one point, I made the comment that his teachers would think about him differently which would impact the way they graded his work and wouldn't think about him as a "flunky". He laughed and said he couldn't believe I called him a "flunky"........the point being we had an open dialogue with both of us coming from our true tapped in aligned Selves......not the contrived concerned parent using an authoritative or punitive approach to force the child to conform.

So we will see what happens, but my approach will always be coming from the aligned parent which then makes it easier for his actions to flow naturally from the aligned Nick, which is where his best actions will always come from. We don't get what we want, we get what we are! Aligned parent doesn't want anything but for their child to be aligned, and that is what the aligned parent gets because that is what they are!

Oh, and it works for pets as well.......because it works for everything. There is nothing, and I mean nothing more important than your well being!! For you and everyone you interact with, because where you are coming from very much can impact those other people, especially if they are out of alignment. And when you are in alignment, the impact is always positive, but not always obvious. So the next time someone is "pissing you off" think about where that is coming from. Is it really them, or is it you just being out of alignment with your True Self? It's always you, and the relationship you are in with yourself! Period! And thank goodness, because you always have control of that!

Friday, October 15, 2010

Take control of the one and only thing you do have control of.....

Your alignment with your TRUE SELF. And the beauty of this is that alignment with your TRUE SELF is all you need. So why do we try to control so much other stuff? Because we think if our mate or our child or anyone we interact with meets our expectations we will feel better. And how backwards is that? If things outside of me conform to my desires then I will feel good? Ugh!! Sorry, but that is victimhood 101. How I feel is determined by how things are happening in my experience? Really? Is that the model that you want to operate from. Thanks but no thanks.

I like the wisdom of Abe "if you knew your potential to feel good, you would ask nobody to be different so that you can feel good. You would free yourself from all that cumbersome impossibility of needing to control the world or needing to control your mate, or child. You are the only one that creates your reality, for nobody else can think for you, it is only you". And thank goodness it is only you, except that very often we turn it over to anyone or anything but ourselves......stop that!

As a follow up to my post about aligned parenting and my son's grades. Here is in essence what is happening and this can be applied to any situation. The following is dialogue that takes place.....and ts dialogue taking place from the aligned TRUE SELF as well as the out of alignment self.....hopefully I can delineate clearly enough for you to follow and it makes sense.

Out of alignment parent: "My son is not doing well in school. I want him to do well in school, it's important for him to get an education so he can be successful. How can I best change his behavior so that he does better in school? I'll set consequences and impress upon him how important it is for him to do well, and if he doesn't comply I will take away privileges and ground him and punish him until he complies with my desires". That is being a responsible parent!"

Aligned son, TRUE SELF: how best can I show my parent that they can't control me, and that really all they are doing by forcing me to do my schoolwork is keeping themselves out of alignment with their TRUE SELF? If I comply with their dictates, then they will think they can control me or anything else and that will not serve them in anyway, it will actually harm them, but if I continue to resist their controls at some point they will learn that their efforts to control me will never serve them or me and are not successful. Yep, that's what I will do, I can't control them, I know that, but I can provide them with an opportunity to see that trying to control me is not and will not work".

Out of alignment son: I know I should do my schoolwork and turn it in, but I just don't always do that, not sure why, and I don't like that my parents are coming down on me and I am losing some of my privileges, why am I not just doing what I know I can do? Weird! Why can't I just do what I want, and school work just ain't what I want to do. And what's the deal with my parents anyway, they get so uptight about it, it not that big a deal"

Aligned TRUE SELF parent: I can't control my child, the one thing I can control is my thoughts and being aligned with my true self, and when I come from that place I can model for my child how best for them to create the life experience only they can imagine. Rather than trying to control my child, which isn't working anyway, I will make sure that my interactions with them are from alignment and not resistance, I know that by doing so, my child will naturally move in alignment with their TRUE SELF and their actions will be congruent with what is best for them. And I can guide them to understand that life is a journey and they will move in and out of alignment but they can recognize when they are out of alignment and then easily move back to alignment. This is responsible parenting that teaches my child how to be deliberate in their creation of their life experience"

Aligned son: Ah, when my parents are in a good place, it's so easy for me to do what is best for me, schoolwork is easy, and if it becomes a struggle to get it done, my parents are always ready to help me and they model for me how life can be easy by going with the flow and not resisting. Schoolwork is a piece of cake!! I do it effortlessly and then have all this free time to do other easy enjoyable things, and I have learned from my parents that life is ebbs and flows but how I think keeps me in the flow and when I get out of the flow, which I will, it's up to me to get back in the flow and that is easy to do. I model how my parents do it and life just seems to work better"

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Intentions for other people, do they work?

You can always intend for others but the effect of the intention is always up to the individual based upon resonance and where they are. Someone asked me what I mean when I say intention. Is it using will power, or are they affirmations? For me and the purpose of intentions is to determne the state of mind you want, they are where you are, they determine the "what you are" of the mantra "we don't get what we want, we get what we are". And inasmuch as that is what they are, they are always in play and they can very much have an effect on other people. So it's wise to be deliberate in what you are as defined by your intentions.

An example that presented itself to me is in parenting. My youngest son is not doing so well in school. It's not because he isn't smart, it's because he isn't turning in some of his work assignments. His Mom and I have both talked to him about just turning the assignments in and his grades would be fine. It's become frustrating (make a note of this) for his Mom and I both and we have had to resort to restricting his activities. His Mom, who is one of my favorite people of all time and I have talked about how best to help him get back on track in a empowering way, identifying some intrinsic motivation for him to turn in his work some of which he completes, he just doesn't turn it in.

It's clear that his actions are not congruent with what he says he will do and the restrictions of not being able to see his girlfriend or have his friends over are not working as well. I came home Sunday night and found his backpack in his room at my house which is where he stays on the weekends. I sent him a text asking him if he needed his backpack and he repiled "No, I'll just use my back pocket to carry stuff". I took the backpack over to his Mom's house and dropped it off for him to have. I told him very calmly, that he needed to have his grades up by the end of the month or he would lose his phone. He agreed, but the moment I said those words, I knew that didn't feel right. It just didn't sit well with me and I thought about it for awhile. I knew the approach we were taking was not working, yet I had just escalated it (conventional parental conditioning).

Then Bam, it hit me and the energy associated with the thought was so palpable I knew it was the answer. Ade, my son's Mom is a very tapped in, tuned in soul and it became very obvious that mine and her frustration with the situation was having an effect on Nick, and not the influence we wanted. It was so inexplicable that he would actually do some of the work that was missing and then not turn it in. Well, we were getting what we were......frustrated and concerned with our son who was not turning in school work and he was reciprocating with behavior that was resonant with our state, or intention surrounding his school work.

So the answer is, and this is a work in progress, so I will keep the blog updated, but it's for his Mom and I to get in alignment with our True Selves and have that state influence Nick in a manner that he becomes aligned with his True Self when we are talking about school and his work. For me that means getting quite and having aligned thoughts about him and how tapped in he is and how wonderful it is for him to have parents that while they are divorced are very close friends and want to parent him in a guiding manner that allows him to know himself and what he is capable of. I think about the awesome things that he has done and the lessons (like this one) that I have learned as his father. I think about the divine being that he is and his infinite potential for experiencing life and all it has to offer, both the contrast and the flow of life, resting in knowing that he will be fine and that as I keep myself aligned with myself and life that is the best parenting that I can do for him.

The point here is not to just let him run amuck, I know he won't do that anyway......the point is for me and his Mom to be aligned with ourselves when we talk to him about his school work and progress, for us to be in the state that will allow for a positive influence from our intentions rather than one that does not sit well for us or him (an influence that is not resonant with his tapped in divine being). It's all about state and the influence that we want to have is the one that comes from aligned parenting.....from the heart.

Now, trust me, I know this is not easy.......and I am struggling with it after I actually applied this approach to my older son when he moved in with me several years ago, in six months, he went from failing classes to making honor roll in his high school. We have been conditioned to parent from an authoritative state and have consequences in place when expectations are not met........the issue is this, if you parent from your own aligned, tapped in Self, the consequences are irrelevant because your child will be in correspondence with your alignment and do what is best for their alignment.

Think about it, when you were young and under your parents roof, you were told what to do......and if you were sternly told what to do.......what did you do? Exactly what you were told not to do!!! Because the person who told you sternly was out of alignment which then had an out of alignment influence on you.......align with life and life will align with you...........and yes your intentions can influence others, so be deliberate in the state that you are spending time in as much as possible.........get what you are, an aligned experience of Life.

I love you Ade, and trust this will resonate with you and we will discuss further!! And much Love to everyone else as well!!!

Friday, October 1, 2010

What would you create today if you expected it to happen?

What kind of question is that? One that challenges or at least makes you look at your model of beliefs. And why is that important? Because your model of beliefs creates what your reality is. What you believe is what you expect and what you expect influences very strongly what you are (the state you are in) and what you are is what is what you get.......what you are is what attracts your experience to you.

I had a gentlemen call me the other day and say that he had heard that I do life coaching and wondered if I would help him figure out what he was doing wrong with his life. I asked him why he thought he was doing something wrong and he told me that he was in bad health, his wife was in bad health, and a number of other scenarios that were not pleasant for him. Of course we are going to work together but it's not a case of doing something wrong in life when we are not getting what we want. It's always a case of a perspective that is not serving us.

Whenever I am coaching with another person, my single goal is to facilitate the individual to tap into their true self and true potential. That's what this blog is about and hopefully that comes through. And what is that true potential? It's infinite potentiality that is unlocked by our thoughts or closed off by our thoughts. And it only takes a change in perspective to unlock that potential.

Think about this. A Russian scientist conducted an experiment where he injected light photons into a chamber of complete vacuum. In other words, the photons were placed in an enclosed space without any influence and when he measured the photon disbursement they were completely random in their location as was expected. He then injected human DNA into the chamber with the photons and when he measured the disbursement of photons again, they had moved into an ordered pattern. The DNA influenced the randomness of the photons to become an orderly pattern.

And what is the building block of Human existence? DNA!! Is it really that much of a stretch to look at DNA as the manner in which the divine infinite source of all that is makes itself physical from the non physical? And is it really that much of a stretch to think that our individual DNA that makes up our physical body is part of that divine infinite source? Of course not, but how often do we eliminate that as a possibility with our limited beliefs about how life works? Indeed, too often.

So back to the title of this post, what would you do today if you expected that thing to happen? What would you do today if you knew that you could accomplish it like you know the sun will rise in the East tomorrow morning? Expectation is an inner state and is not discerning about what it will create so be deliberate in what you expect! Expect remarkable and you will get remarkable, expect what you got today and yep, that's what you will get.