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Sunday, November 21, 2010

Aligned parenting 1.3

My son, his two friends and I went to the Jazz game Friday night. Then his buddies spent the night. Saturday morning was very quite which is not unique, kids tend to stay up late, but when they merged from the room, I asked them what they were going to do......and Nick was cleaning his room.......without even being asked!!!

Then my neighbor across the street arrived with his truck loaded with insulation and sheet rock for finishing his basement. The three boys went over and helped him unload the truck and take it down to the basement. Now that was impressive!!!

Saturday, November 20, 2010

What are you willing to be or have?

What are you willing to be or have or do? The answer is always available to you.....the answer is exactly what you currently have, are or are doing!! You get what you are and not necessarily what you want. This is why self awareness is so monumentally important. Self awareness can be a challenge and can be deceiving. Most people say that that they are fairly self aware, but when it comes right down to it, they are not and mostly because they think they are. By thinking that you are self aware, you run the risk of being closed off to new realizations about yourself. You run the risk of being delusional about what you are.

Let me explain. I was working with a woman that was in an abusive relationship. Her boyfriend was controlling, verbally and emotionally abusive and generally not a nice guy. I asked her why she stayed in the relationship. She rationalized that he provided well for her and her family loved him and he was successful. So I asked her why are are you willing to be treated so badly? She didn't answer, but offered "I don't want to be treated badly and it's not constant mistreatment", and I replied again "why are you willing to be treated badly?". She didn't know. She wasn't self aware to the extent that she realized she was choosing to be treated badly, she was coming from a perspective of victim rather than a woman with a choice.

When you compromise, are you giving away something (a part of yourself) or is it a case where it's just not that big of a deal and you concede? Big difference!! How does it feel? If there is any angst or discomfort, you are giving part of yourself away. My friend and mentor Robert Quinn calls this "living a slow death". Refuse to live a slow death. And this can happen in every stage of life, personal, work, family, school......and it's all about relationship, your relationship with others, but more importantly your relationship with you.

In the work place it is rampant, and the core reason why the global economy is in the precarious state that it is in. I watch it happen everyday in my office, and it's really sad. People don't even know to the extent that they are giving themselves away. I was talking with a colleague the other day about this very topic and he asked "how do you know people are giving themselves away? Maybe they are doing what is true for them". So I said, "the next staff meeting we are in, just observe the body language and nonverbal behavior and tell me what you see". He did just that and admitted that he could see the resignation in people. The apathy of the group when the person(s) in charge spoke or espoused their opinion.

When it comes down to it, are you willing to pay the price to be true to yourself? There is always a price and a payoff. The price is that some people may not agree with you and may tend to drift away from you. In the work place you may be punished for being true to yourself and not compromising your character and integrity. But the payoff is that by being true to yourself, your true potential will be realized and you will accomplish things you could only dream of. And you will not measure your success by the accolades or promotions you receive, but rather by the relationships you build and the resulting outcomes of those relationships.

Being self aware is measuring success by how you feel about what you do. Are you willing to feel the creativity, wisdom and expansiveness of pure Love or are you willing to play small and feel empty about the work that you accomplish? There is a very small difference in these two states of being, and that is you and what you are......true to YOU, or compromising and giving yourself away for the desired result.....it's not what you achieve, it's how you achieve it.........Be willing to be true to YOU! And see what comes!!!

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Aligned Parenting 1.2

One of my favorite teachers reminds me that "The world is the Self writ large". This is important to remember in Aligned Parenting because our intentions or what we take to be real (our beliefs) can very much have an influence on our children. Asking ourselves some important introspective questions about what is showing up in our lives can enlighten us to what our intentions are and if they are serving us or not. These questions also reveal to what extent we are aligned or not aligned. Is the SELF and the self in alignment or not?

The same teacher that reminds me the world is the self writ large, related a story of a coaching session that took place. A couple had a young son, a toddler that when it rained the child would go outside and remove a plant from a planter in the yard and bring it into the house and drop it right in the middle of the carpet leaving a muddy, dirty mess. The parents related how they had tried everything from gently convincing the child not to do this, to stern scolding and time outs, all of which had no effect at curtailing the behavior. The coach, having no preconceived notion of what the issue might be, but being aware that the world is the self writ large asked the parents, "what have you been sweeping under the rug and not dealing with?". The father immediately answered, "finances". The couple had been avoiding dealing with an impending financial issue. They immediately addressed it and worked through it rather than avoiding it and the toddler never again brought a muddy mess into the house.

Now, some people would say that's ridiculous, how could that be, a toddler tapping into the unconscious behavior of the parents and why would the child resort to that behavior even if he did tap into the unconscious of the parents? Because children are very intuitive, especially at that age, they sense angst or uneasiness and their SELF (the tapped in, ineffable eternal Self) then acts in ways to provide insights. Why else would a toddler behave that way, and only when it rained? To make a point, but all too often as parents we don't take the time to stop and ask "What does that mean?" or "What is that trying to mirror for me to understand?"

My inner being or SELF is very goos about getting me messages, and brought to me the story of the toddler in light of my son's school work challenges and the writing that I have been doing about intentions, and being aligned. And like a brick upside my head it dawned on me that "the world is indeed the self writ large". For me, and my son not turning his school work in, even in some cases when he had completed it was the analogy that I was not completing my work. I'm not talking about my job, but to an extent even that is true. My work is ME!! I have not been taking care of all the different areas of my life....and I'll spare you the details.

How could I be certain of this? By how it felt, the moment it dawned on me what his school challenges meant to me, it was energizing, and really of no great surprise. I had been thinking I needed to get busy with this or that, getting myself back into physical shape, spending more time productively moving myself forward, etc. I have a list of things that I have wanted to complete but have put them off for no apparent reason. Of course I know the reason now and can't wait to see what comes from this.

Why bare my soul in this forum? Because that is what his blog is about. Recreating yourself at any given moment. Adding to life rather than subtracting, being deliberate in the life you desire to create and viewing the world for exactly what it is, "The self writ large"!!!

Monday, November 8, 2010

Aligned Parenting 1.1

Just an update on my efforts at being aligned in my parenting. First note, it is much more of a challenge to be aligned in this arena than in almost every other area of life. Why is that? Well, for a number of reasons, not the least of which is that as a parent you want nothing but the best for your children. The second most prevalent reason is that we are conditioned to think that as parents we know what is best for our children, and in most cases if not all, that just is not true. Nobody knows better for anyone than your true self and that holds true for our children as well.

So back to aligned parenting. What it is not, is having your children do whatever they want whenever they want, or is it? Let me clarify. You have desires for and of your children. They have their own desires that will hopefully take precedent over anyone else's desires. If their desires are relegated as secondary to yours or anyone else's, they will become pleasers and become so out of alignment with their true self that nothing good can come from their pleasing. How could that be? Because nothing lasting or creative comes from a place of out of alignment. That could be a whole post topic by itself and probably will.

Back to aligned parenting 1.1. My son's Mom and I have the desire for Nick to do well in school and learn while having fun with it. Aligned parenting for me is that when I talk to him about his school work, I need to be in a good place free from frustration. Essentially I need to be aligned with my true self and be in a high vibe tapped into my infinite potential. Why? Because that is where I am most creative and influential in a positive way. That is where easy dialogue takes place between me and my son or anyone else that I may be interacting with. That is where I am most resonant with my desires. Remember, you don't get what you want, you get what you are.

By me interacting with Nick from alignment, it becomes easy for him to be in alignment. Alignment comes much easier for kids because they have not had years of conditioning that tends to take them out of alignment. When they interact with someone that is aligned they tend to slide right back into closer alignment, and when they are in alignment, they tend to attract others that are in alignment.

So how do I know he is in alignment when we are discussing his school? The way he engages me in the dialogue we are having. It's easy dialogue, we are enjoying the moment, we are even laughing. He isn't shut down and or withdrawn like when I am the least bit frustrated. He offers information about his classes or teachers, he isn't placing blame on the teachers for not giving him credit. He is engaged in the dialogue. And what I mean by dialogue, is I have no agenda to accomplish, I'll ask him a question and then see what comes from both of us with no preconceived notion of what I want from the interaction.

Oh, and he cleans his room, does his work around the house.....well, I might have to ask him to pick up the dog poop, but not more than once and he does it. And this weekend, he asked me if I had the movie "What the Bleep do we know" and the book "The Secret". Which tells me he is tapping into his True Self and wants to learn more. Luckily he has a wealth of information and resources available to him. He can tap into me, his Mom and others that will allow him discover for himself how things work and how what he thinks and feels affect his experience. I'll be here as a resource when he wants to ask or dialogue on deliberate creating.....and by me being an aligned parent, he will spend more time in alignment himself and find his way with my help or on his own.....but on his own terms.

The best way for me to teach him is to be the best example of what being in alignment can mean for me and everyone I interact with. Words don't teach!! Aligned living teaches and understanding that everything is about relationship......the relationship you are having with YOU.......I'm nurturing my relationship with myself, and once again one of my son's has taught me a very valuable lesson.......time to step up my relationship game!!!