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Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Relationship......Try this out to see how easy it is to change one!!

So, everything is about relationship.....relationship with others, with yourself (most important one), with the present moment (big one too), so how do you change the habitual thinking you have about certain relationships?

Try this out. Think of two people. The first should be the person that for you is the easiest to be around, to love, to think of, to converse with.......they are just easy to be with. The second should be the person that for you is the most annoying person that you know, if you didn't have to, you would never spend anytime with them. They are difficult to love, to think of and just be around.

Okay, so you have the two people in mind, get a piece of paper and for the person that for you is easy to Love, write down all the positive aspects of that person. This will probably be easy and will be quick.....Good.

Then, for the person that is annoying and hard to Love, write down all the positive aspects of that person, and this may seem very difficult to do, but give it some thought and you will be able to come up with a list. Write them down.

Now that your done, did you observe or sense anything as you were doing this? If you really did this from an open place, you probably felt a palpable change in feelings especially about the second person. Why? because the True YOU, knows the annoying things the second person does.......check that, the True YOU knows that all the little insignificant things that your ego finds annoying is about your ego, much more than the other person.

Now, frequently when I do this with someone, they will say, "but it's true, they do those things", but they fail to see that the only reason they become part of their experience is because they allow them to. Don't care what anyone else thinks, or does........care only about where your thoughts are, and how those thoughts make you feel.......There is nothing more important!!! That is being deliberate in managing the most important relationship of all.........the one between YOU and You.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Relationship......Life is one big series of

Everything is about Relationship. Everything!!! No exceptions. So what is your relationship with this moment? Are you in harmony with the moment, or are you in discord or contradiction or resistance. Well, how do you feel?

More than a few people have asked me why it is that at the onset of a new relationship with someone, especially a romantic relationship, everything just seems to being flowing. You know, that feeling when the other person can do no wrong, everything is going well, you experience very little frustration, and you just feel GOOD!! And then there seems to be this point where that changes and you slip back into your normal groove. What happened?

First and foremost, understand that it's not the other person that has changed anything. As a matter of fact, it was not the other person doing anything that made you feel so good initially....no it was not!! It was you!!! And then at the moment that bliss changed back to your normal routine, that was you too!!! Make no mistake.......and give yourself a little credit!!!

Credit? Why would I deliberately move from Bliss to Blah.......even if I knew how, why would I do that? Habit!! Basing your relationship with life on false premises!!! Sloppy thinking!! All true. I have talked about habit in the past, no need to revisit that here. But, have not talked about false beliefs or premises enough, so here we go again!!

Here is a big one, A flawed belief that doe snot serve you in any positive way. #1. To be in Harmony and Bliss with another person, we have to want and believe the same things.

Seems like common sense, but it's not. Truth be told, to be in harmony and be in bliss with anything, you must have Harmony between YOU and you.......YOU, your true, ineffable, eternal YOU and you that is experiencing your physical life. Okay, so how do I do that?

Think about the beginning of a relationship when everything is going so well. It's nothing that the other person is doing that causes that, it's YOU!! Your True self, the ineffable, eternal YOU is pure positive energy. That YOU sees only positive aspects of everything, and in essence the other person that you think is making life so blissful, is actually just a catalyst for you being in harmony with your True Self. Put another way, You are not using the other person to disconnect or jump out of alignment with YOU. And you spend much more time in alignment with your true self appreciating positive aspects of everything. You are more creative, you have more energy, enthusiasm, you become solution oriented.......because the more positive thoughts that you have, the more are attracted to you. That is BIG, re-read it again!!!

So at that dreaded point when the relationship changes, you think it's the other person has changed, or they have done something that they are no longer deserving of your Love, or any number of other rationalizations to explain what happened. Truth be told, is that the relationship has changed, but its the relationship You have with YOU.......You moved out of alignment with your True Self and your not seeing the positive aspects of Life that you were seeing before.........and you start seeing the aspects of life that support what you (ego you, in a dysfunctional relationship with the present moment) already believe (and what if your beliefs are not accurate or do not serve you)....like, relationships always turn out this way, or I'm not worthy, I don't deserve to be this happy, or relationships are drama and here it comes.......laugh, but you know it's true, stupid, but true!!

So, When You care so much about another person that You don't allow what they do or think to knock you out of alignment with your True Self, can you see a level of commitment that is rarely observed. There is nothing more important to you and everyone else for that matter, then your own well being.......because your well being is what allows you to expand and grow, which causes others to expand and grow........that is Life expanding through YOU, as YOU......and as You in the physical experience we refer to as our life.

So what is your relationship with YOU?? Are you seeing the positive aspects of everything? Or are you seeing what supports what you already believe?........It's your choice, choose well!!

Sunday, August 16, 2009

I Love you so much....I don't care what you think!!!

Oooh!! That feels so good to say and reside in. If I cared what you thought and then changed because of what you thought of me.............where does that leave me? Well, inauthentic to begin with, but worse yet, in resistance to my true Self...........or out of alignment. Well, Fuck that!!!

I can see many people saying, thats kind of narcisistic, or that's so self centered or selfish. Yep!!! What is more important than your own well being? Nothing!!!

Maybe I can tone it down a bit. I care about you so much, and our relationship means so much to me that while I respect your opinions, I know compromising my own well being by conforming to your expectations is disrespectful to both you and I. When I am aligned with my true self and all that I hold dear to me, that is when our relationship is thriving. That is when I am at my best and when our relationship is at it's best.

Mainstream thinking does not value this approach..............but its easy to do, just go with how you feel. The next time someone tells you that they want you to do a certain thing or behave a certain way, just stop and see how it feels..............if there is the least bit of resistance (negative emotion) whatever you do, don't do it...........Just tell the person you respect their request, but your not going to comply because it does not feel right. Then, you will probably need to explain to the other person that by not complying, it does not mean you don't care about them......and it's actually the opposite.........You care about them so much and your relationship with them that you are going to insure you stay as aligned with your True Self as possible even if that means not caring whast they think!!!!

OMG WTF!!!! Seriously!!! There is nothing more important than your well being, Nothing!! To yourself and everyone that you interact with.........NOTHING!!!!

You can't hide from your thoughts, because they just keep showing up as your life.............So if you spend the vast majority of your time in a state of Joy or well being, what will show up?? A life that is delicious!!!

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

The Ego!!! Ugh!!! Ah, There it goes again.

The best definition that I have ever experienced for the Ego is "The dysfunctional relationship with the present moment." Eckhart Tolle penned that and how true is that? And really that is what this Blog is all about......not that the Ego is bad, it's not.......it's that we are either having a dysfunctional relationship with the present moment or we are not........and the good news is that when we realize that we might be having that dysfunctional relationship with the present moment, we can change our relationship. We can change our interpretation, our perspective, and yes, our belief about the present moment to what serves us better..........oh, and what might be more accurate.

Some time ago, I wrote about the fact that of all the billions of stimuli that we are exposed to in any given moment, in other words all of the information that our senses can pick up on, touch, smell, hear, taste, see and yes, sense (the proverbial sixth sense), we process one/one billionth. And how we determine which one/one billionth of the billions available to us that we actually process every moment. Well, its what supports what we already believe to be true.

So, what if what we already believe to be true is in fact not accurate?

Well, from a pragmatic standpoint, if you believe it to be true, then for you it is true, regardless of how things work out for you. On the other hand, if you open your mind to the possibility that what you believe is in fact not true, then infinite possibilities arise.......and who is it that has the determination of these infinite possibilities? YOU!!! I'm talking about the true YOU, not the personality you or the Ego you.......I'm talking about the ineffable, eternal you that is tapped in, tuned in and turned on with the Universe!!!

Befriend the Ego (the dysfunctional relationship with the present moment) and utilize it for what it was designed. If you let it, it will prod, poke, stimulate and as I like to think about it, slap you upside the head and say "hey Dumb Ass, I'm talking to you". The next time you are in any emotion or feeling that is not empowering or positive, ask yourself "How can I look at this situation differently? How can this situation actually Serve me? How can I interact with this situation in a functional way that is beneficial for all involved?"

What does that mean? Well, I was once told a story long ago about misperceptions. There was a husband and wife, pretty normal in every way, including the wife being very insecure (it could just as easily be the husband that was insecure) and not very connected with the Love of herself let alone her partner. How she felt in the relationship had everything to do with her perception of how well her husband met her expectations of what she needed in order to feel loved. As you can guess he did not meet her perceived expectations of what a husband in love with her would do. As time went by she began letting her Ego (dysfunctional relationship with Now) begin perceiving what supported her belief that she was not loved.

If he received a phone call at night, she would question him on who it was, why they were calling, etc. If he had to work late for whatever reason, she would wonder if he was meeting someone else which worked its way to her actually driving to his work to see if he was actually there. This escalated to her beginning to accuse him of unfounded behavior, which as you might imagine began causing him to change his behavior towards her, which fed into her delusions of him not loving her. That was her truth as unfounded as it was, it was her truth and she perceived from moment to moment all that supported that belief.

So to cut to the chase, one night the husband had an unexpected late meeting called at work. He called his wife and tried to explain and could not tell her what time he would be home as he was not sure due to the nature of the meeting. In frustration, she hung up on him. This caused the husband frustration as you might imagine, and sensing that his marriage was spiraling out of control, he told his boss that he had an emergency and could not stay for the meeting. His boss understood and said he would brief him the next day.

In the husband's desire to get home and try to resolve his wife's irrational behavior, he was driving faster than he should have for the conditions of the road, came around a corner, lost control of his car and hit an oncoming car from the opposite direction. Both drivers were in critical condition and rushed to the hospital. The husband was unconscious for several days, however upon coming out of a near coma, he was told by doctors that he had been in a car accident and that the other driver was in critical condition in the room next to his and was his wife.

In the Wife's, distrust of the husband's story about a meeting, she wanted to confirm that in fact he was lying and jumped in her car to justify her distrust of him by confirming that he was not at work as he told her he was. Now, the story as it was told to me was that both made full recoveries, and the incident was enough that they were able to work through their issues and rebuilt a stronger relationship than they had ever had before.

I can't verify that the story is actually true, however, it does make it easy to see how truth, our own (personal truth being what we believe as opposed to actual fact) is not always factual and can very easily not serve us.

So, the next time you find yourself in a dysfunctional relationship with the present moment, ask yourself, "How else might I look at this situation or person that serves me better?"

Sunday, August 9, 2009

Did you know that the word conspiracy actually means "breathing together?"

A SPIRITUAL "CONSPIRACY"

On the surface of our world right now
There is war, violence, and craziness
And things may seem dark.

But calmly and quietly
At the same time
Something is happening underground.

An inner revolution is taking place
And certain individuals
Are being called to a higher light.

It is a silent revolution
From the inside out
From the ground up.

This is a global co-operation
That has sleeper cells in every nation.
It is a planetary Spiritual Conspiracy.

You won't likely see us on T.V.
You won't read about us in the newspaper.
You won't hear from us on the radio.

We don't seek glory.
We don't wear any uniform.
We come in all shapes and sizes, colors and styles.

We are in every country and culture of the world
In cities big and small, mountains and valleys
In farms and villages, tribes and remote islands.

Most of us work anonymously
Seeking not recognition of name
But profound transformation of life.

Working quietly behind the scenes
You could pass by one of us on the street
And not even notice.

We go undercover
Not concerned for who takes the final credit
But simply that the work gets done.

Many of us may seem to have normal jobs.
But behind the external storefront
Is where the deeper work takes a place.

With the individual and collective power
Of our minds and hearts
We spread passion, knowledge, and joy to all.

Some call us the Conscious Army
As together
We co-create a new world.

Our orders come from the Spiritual Intelligence Agency
Instructing us to drop soft, secret love bombs
when no one is looking.

Poems—Hugs—Music—Photography—Smiles—Kind words
Movies—Meditation and Prayer—Dance—Websites
Social Activism—Blogs—Random Acts of Kindness

We each express ourselves
In our own unique ways
With our own unique gifts and talents.

"Be the change you want to see in the world"
That is the motto that fills our hearts.
We know this is the path to profound transformation.

We know that quietly and humbly
Individually and collectively
We have the power of all the oceans combined.

At first glance our work is not even visible.
It is slow and meticulous
Like the formation of mountains.

And yet with our combined efforts
Entire tectonic plates
Are being shaped and moved for centuries to come.

Love is the religion we come to share
And you don't need to be highly educated
Or have exceptional knowledge to understand it.

Love arises from the intelligence of the heart
Embedded in the timeless evolutionary pulse
Of all living beings.

Be the change you want to see in the world.
Nobody else can do it for you.
Yet don't forget, we are all here supporting you.

We are now recruiting.
Perhaps you will join us
Or already have.

For in this spiritual conspiracy
All are welcome, and all are loved.
The door is always open.

—Author Appropriately Unknown

Friday, August 7, 2009

Are you willing to have what you want?

Are you willing to have what you want? What kind of silly question is that? A common notion is that if I want something then obviously I'm willing to have it. But it's never that simple. A second question that is almost always never considered is; "Are you willing not to have what you want?"

Well, if I want it, then I want it.....why would I be willing not to have it? Will and desire are not the same thing. Take for instance, the desire to have the ideal, loving, nuturing and mutually benefiting relationship. Who does not genuinely desire to have a relationship such as that? But how many people are willing to have that same relationship? Just as crucial is the question, "Who is willing to not have that same relationship".

Let's start with being willing to have that relationship. Are you willing to allow it? Are you willing to surrender to it? You can't make it happen, but you can allow it to happen. Most of us come from a mindset or belief set that the person we are in a relationship with needs to behave or treat us a particular way in order for us to be happy......and in theory we reciprocate and in doing so we contribute to their happiness. Now this approach varies from person to person, but holds true for all of us.....yes, its true for you and me, and it's not inherently bad.....but if you chronically stay in that mode.........it's just not a very effective approach. And if you chronically think that way, it becomes your belief and pretty soon, that is how you operate in autopilot mode.

A different approach that is much more empowering is to not need the other person to behave a particular way to meet your approval or make you happy. Not only is this approach empowering, it's natural.....but it's contrary to the illusion (belief) most of us reside in. The essence of who you are, the ineffable eternal you, does not need anything at all. That aspect or perspective of you is everything.......it's the difference between you being in the world or the world being in You. How empowering is it when you can genuinely come from a place where not one person needs to do anything in order for you to experience utter joy......or not one thing needs to change in order for you to be in that state of joy. Pretty freakin' empowering, let me tell you!!!

So are you willing to do that? And if you are (and it's not easy, simple, but not easy), then what? Well if you are in that state of Joy, utter well being, pure Love which is your essence, you are aligned with the ineffable, eternal, spirit that is much more you than your physical you. And that is when you are allowing......you are out of your head or mind and in your heart!!! Oh, and guess what!!! The world, the people you interact with, the things that are in your experience can't help but be in resonance with you.......So the question is are you willing to have that? As important is, "Are you willing to not have the people, places and things that are not in resonance with you?". Ouch!! Thats a tough one! No it's not!!! Holy Cow!!! Let's see, Utter Bliss or Drama? hello!!!

Okay, so let's look at being willing to not have that relationship. Well, it comes down to residing in the fact that you know you are capable of having the ideal relationship but not being attached to the wanting of it.........otherwise you are just creating the experience of wanting it. By residing in the fact that we can have, be or do anything we want while not being obsessed with the fact that we don't have it, is an empowered state. Resting in that knowledge is where creativity comes from. And that is allowing.

Here is a real time story that is an example. I was on vacation last week with the beautiful woman I am dating in Tahoe. Kenny Chesney was playing in South Lake Tahoe, and the concert had been sold out for months. I'm not familiar with Kenny Chesney but Des is and really wanted to see him. I told her not to worry, that we would get tickets. She was hoping that we would and asked how I thought we would get them, to which I replied something to the efffect of "Don't know, but we will". I told her I knew we would like I know the sun is coming up tomorrow morning. I set my intention, rested in the feeling of being at the concert, and let it go.

So the day of the concert, we went to will call, and I asked if anyone had cancelled their ticket order or if they knew anyone selling tickets. The woman at the window said "yes, next window, they just released some tickets". So we moved over one window and bought 14th row tickets in a VIP section. Now some people would say "How lucky was that?", but luck had nothing to with getting those tickets. Being willing to get them and being willing not to get them had everything to do with it. I was not thinking about how, I was not pushing to get them, I was allowing them to come to me........and viola', they did!!!

So are you willing to have the relationship? Don't push, don't expect, just allow and enjoy!!!