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Friday, August 7, 2009

Are you willing to have what you want?

Are you willing to have what you want? What kind of silly question is that? A common notion is that if I want something then obviously I'm willing to have it. But it's never that simple. A second question that is almost always never considered is; "Are you willing not to have what you want?"

Well, if I want it, then I want it.....why would I be willing not to have it? Will and desire are not the same thing. Take for instance, the desire to have the ideal, loving, nuturing and mutually benefiting relationship. Who does not genuinely desire to have a relationship such as that? But how many people are willing to have that same relationship? Just as crucial is the question, "Who is willing to not have that same relationship".

Let's start with being willing to have that relationship. Are you willing to allow it? Are you willing to surrender to it? You can't make it happen, but you can allow it to happen. Most of us come from a mindset or belief set that the person we are in a relationship with needs to behave or treat us a particular way in order for us to be happy......and in theory we reciprocate and in doing so we contribute to their happiness. Now this approach varies from person to person, but holds true for all of us.....yes, its true for you and me, and it's not inherently bad.....but if you chronically stay in that mode.........it's just not a very effective approach. And if you chronically think that way, it becomes your belief and pretty soon, that is how you operate in autopilot mode.

A different approach that is much more empowering is to not need the other person to behave a particular way to meet your approval or make you happy. Not only is this approach empowering, it's natural.....but it's contrary to the illusion (belief) most of us reside in. The essence of who you are, the ineffable eternal you, does not need anything at all. That aspect or perspective of you is everything.......it's the difference between you being in the world or the world being in You. How empowering is it when you can genuinely come from a place where not one person needs to do anything in order for you to experience utter joy......or not one thing needs to change in order for you to be in that state of joy. Pretty freakin' empowering, let me tell you!!!

So are you willing to do that? And if you are (and it's not easy, simple, but not easy), then what? Well if you are in that state of Joy, utter well being, pure Love which is your essence, you are aligned with the ineffable, eternal, spirit that is much more you than your physical you. And that is when you are allowing......you are out of your head or mind and in your heart!!! Oh, and guess what!!! The world, the people you interact with, the things that are in your experience can't help but be in resonance with you.......So the question is are you willing to have that? As important is, "Are you willing to not have the people, places and things that are not in resonance with you?". Ouch!! Thats a tough one! No it's not!!! Holy Cow!!! Let's see, Utter Bliss or Drama? hello!!!

Okay, so let's look at being willing to not have that relationship. Well, it comes down to residing in the fact that you know you are capable of having the ideal relationship but not being attached to the wanting of it.........otherwise you are just creating the experience of wanting it. By residing in the fact that we can have, be or do anything we want while not being obsessed with the fact that we don't have it, is an empowered state. Resting in that knowledge is where creativity comes from. And that is allowing.

Here is a real time story that is an example. I was on vacation last week with the beautiful woman I am dating in Tahoe. Kenny Chesney was playing in South Lake Tahoe, and the concert had been sold out for months. I'm not familiar with Kenny Chesney but Des is and really wanted to see him. I told her not to worry, that we would get tickets. She was hoping that we would and asked how I thought we would get them, to which I replied something to the efffect of "Don't know, but we will". I told her I knew we would like I know the sun is coming up tomorrow morning. I set my intention, rested in the feeling of being at the concert, and let it go.

So the day of the concert, we went to will call, and I asked if anyone had cancelled their ticket order or if they knew anyone selling tickets. The woman at the window said "yes, next window, they just released some tickets". So we moved over one window and bought 14th row tickets in a VIP section. Now some people would say "How lucky was that?", but luck had nothing to with getting those tickets. Being willing to get them and being willing not to get them had everything to do with it. I was not thinking about how, I was not pushing to get them, I was allowing them to come to me........and viola', they did!!!

So are you willing to have the relationship? Don't push, don't expect, just allow and enjoy!!!






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