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Tuesday, August 11, 2009

The Ego!!! Ugh!!! Ah, There it goes again.

The best definition that I have ever experienced for the Ego is "The dysfunctional relationship with the present moment." Eckhart Tolle penned that and how true is that? And really that is what this Blog is all about......not that the Ego is bad, it's's that we are either having a dysfunctional relationship with the present moment or we are not........and the good news is that when we realize that we might be having that dysfunctional relationship with the present moment, we can change our relationship. We can change our interpretation, our perspective, and yes, our belief about the present moment to what serves us better..........oh, and what might be more accurate.

Some time ago, I wrote about the fact that of all the billions of stimuli that we are exposed to in any given moment, in other words all of the information that our senses can pick up on, touch, smell, hear, taste, see and yes, sense (the proverbial sixth sense), we process one/one billionth. And how we determine which one/one billionth of the billions available to us that we actually process every moment. Well, its what supports what we already believe to be true.

So, what if what we already believe to be true is in fact not accurate?

Well, from a pragmatic standpoint, if you believe it to be true, then for you it is true, regardless of how things work out for you. On the other hand, if you open your mind to the possibility that what you believe is in fact not true, then infinite possibilities arise.......and who is it that has the determination of these infinite possibilities? YOU!!! I'm talking about the true YOU, not the personality you or the Ego you.......I'm talking about the ineffable, eternal you that is tapped in, tuned in and turned on with the Universe!!!

Befriend the Ego (the dysfunctional relationship with the present moment) and utilize it for what it was designed. If you let it, it will prod, poke, stimulate and as I like to think about it, slap you upside the head and say "hey Dumb Ass, I'm talking to you". The next time you are in any emotion or feeling that is not empowering or positive, ask yourself "How can I look at this situation differently? How can this situation actually Serve me? How can I interact with this situation in a functional way that is beneficial for all involved?"

What does that mean? Well, I was once told a story long ago about misperceptions. There was a husband and wife, pretty normal in every way, including the wife being very insecure (it could just as easily be the husband that was insecure) and not very connected with the Love of herself let alone her partner. How she felt in the relationship had everything to do with her perception of how well her husband met her expectations of what she needed in order to feel loved. As you can guess he did not meet her perceived expectations of what a husband in love with her would do. As time went by she began letting her Ego (dysfunctional relationship with Now) begin perceiving what supported her belief that she was not loved.

If he received a phone call at night, she would question him on who it was, why they were calling, etc. If he had to work late for whatever reason, she would wonder if he was meeting someone else which worked its way to her actually driving to his work to see if he was actually there. This escalated to her beginning to accuse him of unfounded behavior, which as you might imagine began causing him to change his behavior towards her, which fed into her delusions of him not loving her. That was her truth as unfounded as it was, it was her truth and she perceived from moment to moment all that supported that belief.

So to cut to the chase, one night the husband had an unexpected late meeting called at work. He called his wife and tried to explain and could not tell her what time he would be home as he was not sure due to the nature of the meeting. In frustration, she hung up on him. This caused the husband frustration as you might imagine, and sensing that his marriage was spiraling out of control, he told his boss that he had an emergency and could not stay for the meeting. His boss understood and said he would brief him the next day.

In the husband's desire to get home and try to resolve his wife's irrational behavior, he was driving faster than he should have for the conditions of the road, came around a corner, lost control of his car and hit an oncoming car from the opposite direction. Both drivers were in critical condition and rushed to the hospital. The husband was unconscious for several days, however upon coming out of a near coma, he was told by doctors that he had been in a car accident and that the other driver was in critical condition in the room next to his and was his wife.

In the Wife's, distrust of the husband's story about a meeting, she wanted to confirm that in fact he was lying and jumped in her car to justify her distrust of him by confirming that he was not at work as he told her he was. Now, the story as it was told to me was that both made full recoveries, and the incident was enough that they were able to work through their issues and rebuilt a stronger relationship than they had ever had before.

I can't verify that the story is actually true, however, it does make it easy to see how truth, our own (personal truth being what we believe as opposed to actual fact) is not always factual and can very easily not serve us.

So, the next time you find yourself in a dysfunctional relationship with the present moment, ask yourself, "How else might I look at this situation or person that serves me better?"


  1. WOW perfect timing! So true, but maybe easier said then done?? I had an experience yesterday that floored me since I was with my two children. I waiting to turn left and in the lane next to me was a black guy on a scooter with his shirt reading "republicans are racist" Unbelievable I was thinking and how narrow minded this guy is to marginalize republican's, or anyone for that matter. Well it took every ounce of my power NOT to roll my window down and ask him WTF? (among other things I wanted to say) So how can I turn something like that into love and not allow my ego to be involved? Thanks ade

  2. I love interacting with you!!! Even if just in e-mail. The best way to change it is to recognize it for what it is, that being an opportunity for you to recreate yourself at that moment. Easier said than done, but you got the hardest part. You didn't react and you noticed you were in a place that was not good, call it judgement, placing value on another, labeling, etc. it does not matter, it just didn't feel good. The world mirrors back to us what at least to a small extent we have going on inside of us. Have you ever heard the phrase, "You can't hide from your thoughts because they keep showing up as your life". It's true, always!!!!

    So, your true self in essence used your Ego (that dysfunctional relationship with that moment) to provide you with an opportunity for transformation, not change, which can change back. Transformation!! Which is lasting. That experience was not about him, it was about you as is the case with every moment about everyday. Does not matter where the guys head is at, you can't change him.

    So how might transformation look in that situation, well knowing you and as tapped in as you are, I would get quite and ask yourself for guidance on what that could be........but in the interim, when you caught yourself having those egoic thoughts, you might have genuinely smiled and sent Love and Light to him, just briefly envisioned him surrounded by pure Love. In that state of pure Love that is the essence of you, what problems exist? Are their racists? Or Republicans? Are their judgement's about anything? And when you genuinely send someone else pure positive Love with no expectation other than you experiencing it, How does that feel?

    That experience was not about him, racists or republicans......It was about you making a choice to be deliberate in your thinking and choosing Joy and feeling good rather than having a dysfunctional relationship with anything of anyone. Make sense? It's that simple......what feels better? It's a journey in remembering who you are and always have been, and you can't get it wrong because you never finish. What is more important than your well being at any given moment? Nothing, even though the Ego might say "being right" or looking at "what is" in a dysfunctional manner.

    Hope that makes sense and helps, TR