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Friday, October 15, 2010

Take control of the one and only thing you do have control of.....

Your alignment with your TRUE SELF. And the beauty of this is that alignment with your TRUE SELF is all you need. So why do we try to control so much other stuff? Because we think if our mate or our child or anyone we interact with meets our expectations we will feel better. And how backwards is that? If things outside of me conform to my desires then I will feel good? Ugh!! Sorry, but that is victimhood 101. How I feel is determined by how things are happening in my experience? Really? Is that the model that you want to operate from. Thanks but no thanks.

I like the wisdom of Abe "if you knew your potential to feel good, you would ask nobody to be different so that you can feel good. You would free yourself from all that cumbersome impossibility of needing to control the world or needing to control your mate, or child. You are the only one that creates your reality, for nobody else can think for you, it is only you". And thank goodness it is only you, except that very often we turn it over to anyone or anything but ourselves......stop that!

As a follow up to my post about aligned parenting and my son's grades. Here is in essence what is happening and this can be applied to any situation. The following is dialogue that takes place.....and ts dialogue taking place from the aligned TRUE SELF as well as the out of alignment self.....hopefully I can delineate clearly enough for you to follow and it makes sense.

Out of alignment parent: "My son is not doing well in school. I want him to do well in school, it's important for him to get an education so he can be successful. How can I best change his behavior so that he does better in school? I'll set consequences and impress upon him how important it is for him to do well, and if he doesn't comply I will take away privileges and ground him and punish him until he complies with my desires". That is being a responsible parent!"

Aligned son, TRUE SELF: how best can I show my parent that they can't control me, and that really all they are doing by forcing me to do my schoolwork is keeping themselves out of alignment with their TRUE SELF? If I comply with their dictates, then they will think they can control me or anything else and that will not serve them in anyway, it will actually harm them, but if I continue to resist their controls at some point they will learn that their efforts to control me will never serve them or me and are not successful. Yep, that's what I will do, I can't control them, I know that, but I can provide them with an opportunity to see that trying to control me is not and will not work".

Out of alignment son: I know I should do my schoolwork and turn it in, but I just don't always do that, not sure why, and I don't like that my parents are coming down on me and I am losing some of my privileges, why am I not just doing what I know I can do? Weird! Why can't I just do what I want, and school work just ain't what I want to do. And what's the deal with my parents anyway, they get so uptight about it, it not that big a deal"

Aligned TRUE SELF parent: I can't control my child, the one thing I can control is my thoughts and being aligned with my true self, and when I come from that place I can model for my child how best for them to create the life experience only they can imagine. Rather than trying to control my child, which isn't working anyway, I will make sure that my interactions with them are from alignment and not resistance, I know that by doing so, my child will naturally move in alignment with their TRUE SELF and their actions will be congruent with what is best for them. And I can guide them to understand that life is a journey and they will move in and out of alignment but they can recognize when they are out of alignment and then easily move back to alignment. This is responsible parenting that teaches my child how to be deliberate in their creation of their life experience"

Aligned son: Ah, when my parents are in a good place, it's so easy for me to do what is best for me, schoolwork is easy, and if it becomes a struggle to get it done, my parents are always ready to help me and they model for me how life can be easy by going with the flow and not resisting. Schoolwork is a piece of cake!! I do it effortlessly and then have all this free time to do other easy enjoyable things, and I have learned from my parents that life is ebbs and flows but how I think keeps me in the flow and when I get out of the flow, which I will, it's up to me to get back in the flow and that is easy to do. I model how my parents do it and life just seems to work better"

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