My son, his two friends and I went to the Jazz game Friday night. Then his buddies spent the night. Saturday morning was very quite which is not unique, kids tend to stay up late, but when they merged from the room, I asked them what they were going to do......and Nick was cleaning his room.......without even being asked!!!
Then my neighbor across the street arrived with his truck loaded with insulation and sheet rock for finishing his basement. The three boys went over and helped him unload the truck and take it down to the basement. Now that was impressive!!!
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Saturday, November 20, 2010
What are you willing to be or have?
What are you willing to be or have or do? The answer is always available to you.....the answer is exactly what you currently have, are or are doing!! You get what you are and not necessarily what you want. This is why self awareness is so monumentally important. Self awareness can be a challenge and can be deceiving. Most people say that that they are fairly self aware, but when it comes right down to it, they are not and mostly because they think they are. By thinking that you are self aware, you run the risk of being closed off to new realizations about yourself. You run the risk of being delusional about what you are.
Let me explain. I was working with a woman that was in an abusive relationship. Her boyfriend was controlling, verbally and emotionally abusive and generally not a nice guy. I asked her why she stayed in the relationship. She rationalized that he provided well for her and her family loved him and he was successful. So I asked her why are are you willing to be treated so badly? She didn't answer, but offered "I don't want to be treated badly and it's not constant mistreatment", and I replied again "why are you willing to be treated badly?". She didn't know. She wasn't self aware to the extent that she realized she was choosing to be treated badly, she was coming from a perspective of victim rather than a woman with a choice.
When you compromise, are you giving away something (a part of yourself) or is it a case where it's just not that big of a deal and you concede? Big difference!! How does it feel? If there is any angst or discomfort, you are giving part of yourself away. My friend and mentor Robert Quinn calls this "living a slow death". Refuse to live a slow death. And this can happen in every stage of life, personal, work, family, school......and it's all about relationship, your relationship with others, but more importantly your relationship with you.
In the work place it is rampant, and the core reason why the global economy is in the precarious state that it is in. I watch it happen everyday in my office, and it's really sad. People don't even know to the extent that they are giving themselves away. I was talking with a colleague the other day about this very topic and he asked "how do you know people are giving themselves away? Maybe they are doing what is true for them". So I said, "the next staff meeting we are in, just observe the body language and nonverbal behavior and tell me what you see". He did just that and admitted that he could see the resignation in people. The apathy of the group when the person(s) in charge spoke or espoused their opinion.
When it comes down to it, are you willing to pay the price to be true to yourself? There is always a price and a payoff. The price is that some people may not agree with you and may tend to drift away from you. In the work place you may be punished for being true to yourself and not compromising your character and integrity. But the payoff is that by being true to yourself, your true potential will be realized and you will accomplish things you could only dream of. And you will not measure your success by the accolades or promotions you receive, but rather by the relationships you build and the resulting outcomes of those relationships.
Being self aware is measuring success by how you feel about what you do. Are you willing to feel the creativity, wisdom and expansiveness of pure Love or are you willing to play small and feel empty about the work that you accomplish? There is a very small difference in these two states of being, and that is you and what you are......true to YOU, or compromising and giving yourself away for the desired result.....it's not what you achieve, it's how you achieve it.........Be willing to be true to YOU! And see what comes!!!
Let me explain. I was working with a woman that was in an abusive relationship. Her boyfriend was controlling, verbally and emotionally abusive and generally not a nice guy. I asked her why she stayed in the relationship. She rationalized that he provided well for her and her family loved him and he was successful. So I asked her why are are you willing to be treated so badly? She didn't answer, but offered "I don't want to be treated badly and it's not constant mistreatment", and I replied again "why are you willing to be treated badly?". She didn't know. She wasn't self aware to the extent that she realized she was choosing to be treated badly, she was coming from a perspective of victim rather than a woman with a choice.
When you compromise, are you giving away something (a part of yourself) or is it a case where it's just not that big of a deal and you concede? Big difference!! How does it feel? If there is any angst or discomfort, you are giving part of yourself away. My friend and mentor Robert Quinn calls this "living a slow death". Refuse to live a slow death. And this can happen in every stage of life, personal, work, family, school......and it's all about relationship, your relationship with others, but more importantly your relationship with you.
In the work place it is rampant, and the core reason why the global economy is in the precarious state that it is in. I watch it happen everyday in my office, and it's really sad. People don't even know to the extent that they are giving themselves away. I was talking with a colleague the other day about this very topic and he asked "how do you know people are giving themselves away? Maybe they are doing what is true for them". So I said, "the next staff meeting we are in, just observe the body language and nonverbal behavior and tell me what you see". He did just that and admitted that he could see the resignation in people. The apathy of the group when the person(s) in charge spoke or espoused their opinion.
When it comes down to it, are you willing to pay the price to be true to yourself? There is always a price and a payoff. The price is that some people may not agree with you and may tend to drift away from you. In the work place you may be punished for being true to yourself and not compromising your character and integrity. But the payoff is that by being true to yourself, your true potential will be realized and you will accomplish things you could only dream of. And you will not measure your success by the accolades or promotions you receive, but rather by the relationships you build and the resulting outcomes of those relationships.
Being self aware is measuring success by how you feel about what you do. Are you willing to feel the creativity, wisdom and expansiveness of pure Love or are you willing to play small and feel empty about the work that you accomplish? There is a very small difference in these two states of being, and that is you and what you are......true to YOU, or compromising and giving yourself away for the desired result.....it's not what you achieve, it's how you achieve it.........Be willing to be true to YOU! And see what comes!!!
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Aligned Parenting 1.2
One of my favorite teachers reminds me that "The world is the Self writ large". This is important to remember in Aligned Parenting because our intentions or what we take to be real (our beliefs) can very much have an influence on our children. Asking ourselves some important introspective questions about what is showing up in our lives can enlighten us to what our intentions are and if they are serving us or not. These questions also reveal to what extent we are aligned or not aligned. Is the SELF and the self in alignment or not?
The same teacher that reminds me the world is the self writ large, related a story of a coaching session that took place. A couple had a young son, a toddler that when it rained the child would go outside and remove a plant from a planter in the yard and bring it into the house and drop it right in the middle of the carpet leaving a muddy, dirty mess. The parents related how they had tried everything from gently convincing the child not to do this, to stern scolding and time outs, all of which had no effect at curtailing the behavior. The coach, having no preconceived notion of what the issue might be, but being aware that the world is the self writ large asked the parents, "what have you been sweeping under the rug and not dealing with?". The father immediately answered, "finances". The couple had been avoiding dealing with an impending financial issue. They immediately addressed it and worked through it rather than avoiding it and the toddler never again brought a muddy mess into the house.
Now, some people would say that's ridiculous, how could that be, a toddler tapping into the unconscious behavior of the parents and why would the child resort to that behavior even if he did tap into the unconscious of the parents? Because children are very intuitive, especially at that age, they sense angst or uneasiness and their SELF (the tapped in, ineffable eternal Self) then acts in ways to provide insights. Why else would a toddler behave that way, and only when it rained? To make a point, but all too often as parents we don't take the time to stop and ask "What does that mean?" or "What is that trying to mirror for me to understand?"
My inner being or SELF is very goos about getting me messages, and brought to me the story of the toddler in light of my son's school work challenges and the writing that I have been doing about intentions, and being aligned. And like a brick upside my head it dawned on me that "the world is indeed the self writ large". For me, and my son not turning his school work in, even in some cases when he had completed it was the analogy that I was not completing my work. I'm not talking about my job, but to an extent even that is true. My work is ME!! I have not been taking care of all the different areas of my life....and I'll spare you the details.
How could I be certain of this? By how it felt, the moment it dawned on me what his school challenges meant to me, it was energizing, and really of no great surprise. I had been thinking I needed to get busy with this or that, getting myself back into physical shape, spending more time productively moving myself forward, etc. I have a list of things that I have wanted to complete but have put them off for no apparent reason. Of course I know the reason now and can't wait to see what comes from this.
Why bare my soul in this forum? Because that is what his blog is about. Recreating yourself at any given moment. Adding to life rather than subtracting, being deliberate in the life you desire to create and viewing the world for exactly what it is, "The self writ large"!!!
The same teacher that reminds me the world is the self writ large, related a story of a coaching session that took place. A couple had a young son, a toddler that when it rained the child would go outside and remove a plant from a planter in the yard and bring it into the house and drop it right in the middle of the carpet leaving a muddy, dirty mess. The parents related how they had tried everything from gently convincing the child not to do this, to stern scolding and time outs, all of which had no effect at curtailing the behavior. The coach, having no preconceived notion of what the issue might be, but being aware that the world is the self writ large asked the parents, "what have you been sweeping under the rug and not dealing with?". The father immediately answered, "finances". The couple had been avoiding dealing with an impending financial issue. They immediately addressed it and worked through it rather than avoiding it and the toddler never again brought a muddy mess into the house.
Now, some people would say that's ridiculous, how could that be, a toddler tapping into the unconscious behavior of the parents and why would the child resort to that behavior even if he did tap into the unconscious of the parents? Because children are very intuitive, especially at that age, they sense angst or uneasiness and their SELF (the tapped in, ineffable eternal Self) then acts in ways to provide insights. Why else would a toddler behave that way, and only when it rained? To make a point, but all too often as parents we don't take the time to stop and ask "What does that mean?" or "What is that trying to mirror for me to understand?"
My inner being or SELF is very goos about getting me messages, and brought to me the story of the toddler in light of my son's school work challenges and the writing that I have been doing about intentions, and being aligned. And like a brick upside my head it dawned on me that "the world is indeed the self writ large". For me, and my son not turning his school work in, even in some cases when he had completed it was the analogy that I was not completing my work. I'm not talking about my job, but to an extent even that is true. My work is ME!! I have not been taking care of all the different areas of my life....and I'll spare you the details.
How could I be certain of this? By how it felt, the moment it dawned on me what his school challenges meant to me, it was energizing, and really of no great surprise. I had been thinking I needed to get busy with this or that, getting myself back into physical shape, spending more time productively moving myself forward, etc. I have a list of things that I have wanted to complete but have put them off for no apparent reason. Of course I know the reason now and can't wait to see what comes from this.
Why bare my soul in this forum? Because that is what his blog is about. Recreating yourself at any given moment. Adding to life rather than subtracting, being deliberate in the life you desire to create and viewing the world for exactly what it is, "The self writ large"!!!
Monday, November 8, 2010
Aligned Parenting 1.1
Just an update on my efforts at being aligned in my parenting. First note, it is much more of a challenge to be aligned in this arena than in almost every other area of life. Why is that? Well, for a number of reasons, not the least of which is that as a parent you want nothing but the best for your children. The second most prevalent reason is that we are conditioned to think that as parents we know what is best for our children, and in most cases if not all, that just is not true. Nobody knows better for anyone than your true self and that holds true for our children as well.
So back to aligned parenting. What it is not, is having your children do whatever they want whenever they want, or is it? Let me clarify. You have desires for and of your children. They have their own desires that will hopefully take precedent over anyone else's desires. If their desires are relegated as secondary to yours or anyone else's, they will become pleasers and become so out of alignment with their true self that nothing good can come from their pleasing. How could that be? Because nothing lasting or creative comes from a place of out of alignment. That could be a whole post topic by itself and probably will.
Back to aligned parenting 1.1. My son's Mom and I have the desire for Nick to do well in school and learn while having fun with it. Aligned parenting for me is that when I talk to him about his school work, I need to be in a good place free from frustration. Essentially I need to be aligned with my true self and be in a high vibe tapped into my infinite potential. Why? Because that is where I am most creative and influential in a positive way. That is where easy dialogue takes place between me and my son or anyone else that I may be interacting with. That is where I am most resonant with my desires. Remember, you don't get what you want, you get what you are.
By me interacting with Nick from alignment, it becomes easy for him to be in alignment. Alignment comes much easier for kids because they have not had years of conditioning that tends to take them out of alignment. When they interact with someone that is aligned they tend to slide right back into closer alignment, and when they are in alignment, they tend to attract others that are in alignment.
So how do I know he is in alignment when we are discussing his school? The way he engages me in the dialogue we are having. It's easy dialogue, we are enjoying the moment, we are even laughing. He isn't shut down and or withdrawn like when I am the least bit frustrated. He offers information about his classes or teachers, he isn't placing blame on the teachers for not giving him credit. He is engaged in the dialogue. And what I mean by dialogue, is I have no agenda to accomplish, I'll ask him a question and then see what comes from both of us with no preconceived notion of what I want from the interaction.
Oh, and he cleans his room, does his work around the house.....well, I might have to ask him to pick up the dog poop, but not more than once and he does it. And this weekend, he asked me if I had the movie "What the Bleep do we know" and the book "The Secret". Which tells me he is tapping into his True Self and wants to learn more. Luckily he has a wealth of information and resources available to him. He can tap into me, his Mom and others that will allow him discover for himself how things work and how what he thinks and feels affect his experience. I'll be here as a resource when he wants to ask or dialogue on deliberate creating.....and by me being an aligned parent, he will spend more time in alignment himself and find his way with my help or on his own.....but on his own terms.
The best way for me to teach him is to be the best example of what being in alignment can mean for me and everyone I interact with. Words don't teach!! Aligned living teaches and understanding that everything is about relationship......the relationship you are having with YOU.......I'm nurturing my relationship with myself, and once again one of my son's has taught me a very valuable lesson.......time to step up my relationship game!!!
So back to aligned parenting. What it is not, is having your children do whatever they want whenever they want, or is it? Let me clarify. You have desires for and of your children. They have their own desires that will hopefully take precedent over anyone else's desires. If their desires are relegated as secondary to yours or anyone else's, they will become pleasers and become so out of alignment with their true self that nothing good can come from their pleasing. How could that be? Because nothing lasting or creative comes from a place of out of alignment. That could be a whole post topic by itself and probably will.
Back to aligned parenting 1.1. My son's Mom and I have the desire for Nick to do well in school and learn while having fun with it. Aligned parenting for me is that when I talk to him about his school work, I need to be in a good place free from frustration. Essentially I need to be aligned with my true self and be in a high vibe tapped into my infinite potential. Why? Because that is where I am most creative and influential in a positive way. That is where easy dialogue takes place between me and my son or anyone else that I may be interacting with. That is where I am most resonant with my desires. Remember, you don't get what you want, you get what you are.
By me interacting with Nick from alignment, it becomes easy for him to be in alignment. Alignment comes much easier for kids because they have not had years of conditioning that tends to take them out of alignment. When they interact with someone that is aligned they tend to slide right back into closer alignment, and when they are in alignment, they tend to attract others that are in alignment.
So how do I know he is in alignment when we are discussing his school? The way he engages me in the dialogue we are having. It's easy dialogue, we are enjoying the moment, we are even laughing. He isn't shut down and or withdrawn like when I am the least bit frustrated. He offers information about his classes or teachers, he isn't placing blame on the teachers for not giving him credit. He is engaged in the dialogue. And what I mean by dialogue, is I have no agenda to accomplish, I'll ask him a question and then see what comes from both of us with no preconceived notion of what I want from the interaction.
Oh, and he cleans his room, does his work around the house.....well, I might have to ask him to pick up the dog poop, but not more than once and he does it. And this weekend, he asked me if I had the movie "What the Bleep do we know" and the book "The Secret". Which tells me he is tapping into his True Self and wants to learn more. Luckily he has a wealth of information and resources available to him. He can tap into me, his Mom and others that will allow him discover for himself how things work and how what he thinks and feels affect his experience. I'll be here as a resource when he wants to ask or dialogue on deliberate creating.....and by me being an aligned parent, he will spend more time in alignment himself and find his way with my help or on his own.....but on his own terms.
The best way for me to teach him is to be the best example of what being in alignment can mean for me and everyone I interact with. Words don't teach!! Aligned living teaches and understanding that everything is about relationship......the relationship you are having with YOU.......I'm nurturing my relationship with myself, and once again one of my son's has taught me a very valuable lesson.......time to step up my relationship game!!!
Friday, October 29, 2010
Adding or Subtracting, which are you doing?
Your doing one or the other at any given moment! Are you adding to life or subtracting. Are you growing or not? When you are out of alignment are you growing or subtracting? That depends what you do with it, do you use it as an opportunity to learn and move forward by understanding it for what it is or do you let it go......many times, just to repeat it at a later time?
Problems are the polar opposites of the solution. When in resistance or out of alignment, your mired in the problem. When in alignment and allowance your emersed in the solution. When your frustrated with somebody else, your definitely out of alignment with yourself. Why do we allow others to frustrate us so much. Well, if we can see it for what it is, the opposite of the solution, we can easily move from the frustration to the solution. Part of the problem is that we get such tunnel vision about what the solution is that we close off the unlimited potentialities that we have access to.
Helen Keller has a famous quote that is relevant to this issue, and I'm paraphrasing the quote, but it is something like this, "you see a man made world, while all I can see is a God made world". What this means to me is that we lose touch with our true potential because of what we see in front of us as real and true, we get caught up in the material world, while Helen only saw what she thought and her thoughts were hers to have. If they were not serving her, she let them go and replaced them with thoughts and visions or interpretations that did serve her. What if you did that?
What if when mired in frustration, you just changed your thoughts, even just a little bit? You would move from frustration towards alignment and allowance. Sounds obscure and a little aery faery, I know, but what's the alternative? Sitting in frustration.
I have been getting a slew of e-mails and facebook messages about Voting in the upcoming elections. I don't vote, for a number of reasons, not the least of which is that politics just is of no interest to me and no politician has ever done anything that has ever affected me. Other peeps hold the notion that by not voting, I'm not patriotic or then I can't complain about the laws we live by. I don't complain about the laws, I don't even think about them. My actions are determined by what feels right or what my desires are. And those guiding principles serve me very well, I generally don't break laws, because most of the things that laws govern don't feel good to me to do. But my thoughts are not governed by laws, i don't wear a seat belt and it's a law. Am I a rebel? No, I just don't like seat belts on me. And I don't get pulled over for it either......I wonder why? Because I don't even think about it. Get it?
What you give your thoughts to you activate. So do you want to add or subtract with your thoughts? Add, grow, expand with your thoughts!! Get deliberate about what your thoughts are and what state you spend time in. See a god made reality rather than a man made one and see what happens!!!
Problems are the polar opposites of the solution. When in resistance or out of alignment, your mired in the problem. When in alignment and allowance your emersed in the solution. When your frustrated with somebody else, your definitely out of alignment with yourself. Why do we allow others to frustrate us so much. Well, if we can see it for what it is, the opposite of the solution, we can easily move from the frustration to the solution. Part of the problem is that we get such tunnel vision about what the solution is that we close off the unlimited potentialities that we have access to.
Helen Keller has a famous quote that is relevant to this issue, and I'm paraphrasing the quote, but it is something like this, "you see a man made world, while all I can see is a God made world". What this means to me is that we lose touch with our true potential because of what we see in front of us as real and true, we get caught up in the material world, while Helen only saw what she thought and her thoughts were hers to have. If they were not serving her, she let them go and replaced them with thoughts and visions or interpretations that did serve her. What if you did that?
What if when mired in frustration, you just changed your thoughts, even just a little bit? You would move from frustration towards alignment and allowance. Sounds obscure and a little aery faery, I know, but what's the alternative? Sitting in frustration.
I have been getting a slew of e-mails and facebook messages about Voting in the upcoming elections. I don't vote, for a number of reasons, not the least of which is that politics just is of no interest to me and no politician has ever done anything that has ever affected me. Other peeps hold the notion that by not voting, I'm not patriotic or then I can't complain about the laws we live by. I don't complain about the laws, I don't even think about them. My actions are determined by what feels right or what my desires are. And those guiding principles serve me very well, I generally don't break laws, because most of the things that laws govern don't feel good to me to do. But my thoughts are not governed by laws, i don't wear a seat belt and it's a law. Am I a rebel? No, I just don't like seat belts on me. And I don't get pulled over for it either......I wonder why? Because I don't even think about it. Get it?
What you give your thoughts to you activate. So do you want to add or subtract with your thoughts? Add, grow, expand with your thoughts!! Get deliberate about what your thoughts are and what state you spend time in. See a god made reality rather than a man made one and see what happens!!!
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Aligned parenting version 1.0
Yes, version 1.0....this is an ongoing evolution with many iterations. So this week, my son's Mom received news of more missing assignments and grades slipping. Frsutrating for her, she gets all the bad news from school. But I am committed to being an aligned parent and know that change does not happen overnight, or does it?
Yesterday afternoon, when my son arrived for the weekend, I made sure that before I spoke to him about his school, I was aligned.....meaning I was anything but frustrated or anxious. I was at ease, I know he is a tapped in, tuned in old soul and there is nothing to worry about especially when I am deliberate in where I am when I interact with him. It's all good and with the right approach his grades will turn around in a heartbeat. Oh, and they are just grades!!! Okay that one will send some peeps over the edge, but I call it as I see it. Am I being irresponsible as a parent to take that perspective? NO!!! I'm being very responsible for my well being, which is where I am most responsible for my parenting.
So a little perspective on interactions about school in the past with my son. By me being even a little out of alignment with my true tapped in Self, the interactions were text book conventional parenting.....ie; parent talking at the child, making attempts to connect with the child, but ultimately the child is shut down. Now this doesn't mean I was yelling at him, I don't do that, I was talking calmly about how important school is and even throwing in a little strengths coaching to allow him to use his natural talents to make it easier for him to do the work. His answers were generally the same, he didn't know why he didn't do his homework and then that eventually escalated to his teachers are not keeping track of his assignments and then nobody is doing well in the class, placing blame on the teacher.......which resulted in what, parents frustration level heightening (moving further out of alignment) and nothing changed. Oh he might make some baby steps, but the issue keeps escalating. Not the desired outcome, but conventionally I was being a responsible parent by grounding him, taking away privileges, his phone, etc..........all of which did not work to achieve the desired result.
It's not about the school work, it's not about the grades, it's about my relationship with myself and his Mom's relationship with herself. It's always about that, that's all we have. It comes down to, do we want life to be easy or painful? That's it, nothing more!!! And where does easy come from? Tapped in alignment with your True Self, with the divine, the infinite potential that we always have access to when we allow it.
So, the aligned parenting conversation with my son went something like this, well exactly like this. I asked him how school was doing? He said pretty good, he had a D and some missing assignments but was working on getting them turned in. I asked him what class the D was in, he said reading......and I smiled with no angst on my part, just amused by his story of how all the kids were struggling with reading. The conversation evolved to an open dialogue (with smiles and yes, laughter) about how easy it would be if he just did his homework and turned it in.....and both of us were smiling the entire time. At one point, I made the comment that his teachers would think about him differently which would impact the way they graded his work and wouldn't think about him as a "flunky". He laughed and said he couldn't believe I called him a "flunky"........the point being we had an open dialogue with both of us coming from our true tapped in aligned Selves......not the contrived concerned parent using an authoritative or punitive approach to force the child to conform.
So we will see what happens, but my approach will always be coming from the aligned parent which then makes it easier for his actions to flow naturally from the aligned Nick, which is where his best actions will always come from. We don't get what we want, we get what we are! Aligned parent doesn't want anything but for their child to be aligned, and that is what the aligned parent gets because that is what they are!
Oh, and it works for pets as well.......because it works for everything. There is nothing, and I mean nothing more important than your well being!! For you and everyone you interact with, because where you are coming from very much can impact those other people, especially if they are out of alignment. And when you are in alignment, the impact is always positive, but not always obvious. So the next time someone is "pissing you off" think about where that is coming from. Is it really them, or is it you just being out of alignment with your True Self? It's always you, and the relationship you are in with yourself! Period! And thank goodness, because you always have control of that!
Yesterday afternoon, when my son arrived for the weekend, I made sure that before I spoke to him about his school, I was aligned.....meaning I was anything but frustrated or anxious. I was at ease, I know he is a tapped in, tuned in old soul and there is nothing to worry about especially when I am deliberate in where I am when I interact with him. It's all good and with the right approach his grades will turn around in a heartbeat. Oh, and they are just grades!!! Okay that one will send some peeps over the edge, but I call it as I see it. Am I being irresponsible as a parent to take that perspective? NO!!! I'm being very responsible for my well being, which is where I am most responsible for my parenting.
So a little perspective on interactions about school in the past with my son. By me being even a little out of alignment with my true tapped in Self, the interactions were text book conventional parenting.....ie; parent talking at the child, making attempts to connect with the child, but ultimately the child is shut down. Now this doesn't mean I was yelling at him, I don't do that, I was talking calmly about how important school is and even throwing in a little strengths coaching to allow him to use his natural talents to make it easier for him to do the work. His answers were generally the same, he didn't know why he didn't do his homework and then that eventually escalated to his teachers are not keeping track of his assignments and then nobody is doing well in the class, placing blame on the teacher.......which resulted in what, parents frustration level heightening (moving further out of alignment) and nothing changed. Oh he might make some baby steps, but the issue keeps escalating. Not the desired outcome, but conventionally I was being a responsible parent by grounding him, taking away privileges, his phone, etc..........all of which did not work to achieve the desired result.
It's not about the school work, it's not about the grades, it's about my relationship with myself and his Mom's relationship with herself. It's always about that, that's all we have. It comes down to, do we want life to be easy or painful? That's it, nothing more!!! And where does easy come from? Tapped in alignment with your True Self, with the divine, the infinite potential that we always have access to when we allow it.
So, the aligned parenting conversation with my son went something like this, well exactly like this. I asked him how school was doing? He said pretty good, he had a D and some missing assignments but was working on getting them turned in. I asked him what class the D was in, he said reading......and I smiled with no angst on my part, just amused by his story of how all the kids were struggling with reading. The conversation evolved to an open dialogue (with smiles and yes, laughter) about how easy it would be if he just did his homework and turned it in.....and both of us were smiling the entire time. At one point, I made the comment that his teachers would think about him differently which would impact the way they graded his work and wouldn't think about him as a "flunky". He laughed and said he couldn't believe I called him a "flunky"........the point being we had an open dialogue with both of us coming from our true tapped in aligned Selves......not the contrived concerned parent using an authoritative or punitive approach to force the child to conform.
So we will see what happens, but my approach will always be coming from the aligned parent which then makes it easier for his actions to flow naturally from the aligned Nick, which is where his best actions will always come from. We don't get what we want, we get what we are! Aligned parent doesn't want anything but for their child to be aligned, and that is what the aligned parent gets because that is what they are!
Oh, and it works for pets as well.......because it works for everything. There is nothing, and I mean nothing more important than your well being!! For you and everyone you interact with, because where you are coming from very much can impact those other people, especially if they are out of alignment. And when you are in alignment, the impact is always positive, but not always obvious. So the next time someone is "pissing you off" think about where that is coming from. Is it really them, or is it you just being out of alignment with your True Self? It's always you, and the relationship you are in with yourself! Period! And thank goodness, because you always have control of that!
Friday, October 15, 2010
Take control of the one and only thing you do have control of.....
Your alignment with your TRUE SELF. And the beauty of this is that alignment with your TRUE SELF is all you need. So why do we try to control so much other stuff? Because we think if our mate or our child or anyone we interact with meets our expectations we will feel better. And how backwards is that? If things outside of me conform to my desires then I will feel good? Ugh!! Sorry, but that is victimhood 101. How I feel is determined by how things are happening in my experience? Really? Is that the model that you want to operate from. Thanks but no thanks.
I like the wisdom of Abe "if you knew your potential to feel good, you would ask nobody to be different so that you can feel good. You would free yourself from all that cumbersome impossibility of needing to control the world or needing to control your mate, or child. You are the only one that creates your reality, for nobody else can think for you, it is only you". And thank goodness it is only you, except that very often we turn it over to anyone or anything but ourselves......stop that!
As a follow up to my post about aligned parenting and my son's grades. Here is in essence what is happening and this can be applied to any situation. The following is dialogue that takes place.....and ts dialogue taking place from the aligned TRUE SELF as well as the out of alignment self.....hopefully I can delineate clearly enough for you to follow and it makes sense.
Out of alignment parent: "My son is not doing well in school. I want him to do well in school, it's important for him to get an education so he can be successful. How can I best change his behavior so that he does better in school? I'll set consequences and impress upon him how important it is for him to do well, and if he doesn't comply I will take away privileges and ground him and punish him until he complies with my desires". That is being a responsible parent!"
Aligned son, TRUE SELF: how best can I show my parent that they can't control me, and that really all they are doing by forcing me to do my schoolwork is keeping themselves out of alignment with their TRUE SELF? If I comply with their dictates, then they will think they can control me or anything else and that will not serve them in anyway, it will actually harm them, but if I continue to resist their controls at some point they will learn that their efforts to control me will never serve them or me and are not successful. Yep, that's what I will do, I can't control them, I know that, but I can provide them with an opportunity to see that trying to control me is not and will not work".
Out of alignment son: I know I should do my schoolwork and turn it in, but I just don't always do that, not sure why, and I don't like that my parents are coming down on me and I am losing some of my privileges, why am I not just doing what I know I can do? Weird! Why can't I just do what I want, and school work just ain't what I want to do. And what's the deal with my parents anyway, they get so uptight about it, it not that big a deal"
Aligned TRUE SELF parent: I can't control my child, the one thing I can control is my thoughts and being aligned with my true self, and when I come from that place I can model for my child how best for them to create the life experience only they can imagine. Rather than trying to control my child, which isn't working anyway, I will make sure that my interactions with them are from alignment and not resistance, I know that by doing so, my child will naturally move in alignment with their TRUE SELF and their actions will be congruent with what is best for them. And I can guide them to understand that life is a journey and they will move in and out of alignment but they can recognize when they are out of alignment and then easily move back to alignment. This is responsible parenting that teaches my child how to be deliberate in their creation of their life experience"
Aligned son: Ah, when my parents are in a good place, it's so easy for me to do what is best for me, schoolwork is easy, and if it becomes a struggle to get it done, my parents are always ready to help me and they model for me how life can be easy by going with the flow and not resisting. Schoolwork is a piece of cake!! I do it effortlessly and then have all this free time to do other easy enjoyable things, and I have learned from my parents that life is ebbs and flows but how I think keeps me in the flow and when I get out of the flow, which I will, it's up to me to get back in the flow and that is easy to do. I model how my parents do it and life just seems to work better"
I like the wisdom of Abe "if you knew your potential to feel good, you would ask nobody to be different so that you can feel good. You would free yourself from all that cumbersome impossibility of needing to control the world or needing to control your mate, or child. You are the only one that creates your reality, for nobody else can think for you, it is only you". And thank goodness it is only you, except that very often we turn it over to anyone or anything but ourselves......stop that!
As a follow up to my post about aligned parenting and my son's grades. Here is in essence what is happening and this can be applied to any situation. The following is dialogue that takes place.....and ts dialogue taking place from the aligned TRUE SELF as well as the out of alignment self.....hopefully I can delineate clearly enough for you to follow and it makes sense.
Out of alignment parent: "My son is not doing well in school. I want him to do well in school, it's important for him to get an education so he can be successful. How can I best change his behavior so that he does better in school? I'll set consequences and impress upon him how important it is for him to do well, and if he doesn't comply I will take away privileges and ground him and punish him until he complies with my desires". That is being a responsible parent!"
Aligned son, TRUE SELF: how best can I show my parent that they can't control me, and that really all they are doing by forcing me to do my schoolwork is keeping themselves out of alignment with their TRUE SELF? If I comply with their dictates, then they will think they can control me or anything else and that will not serve them in anyway, it will actually harm them, but if I continue to resist their controls at some point they will learn that their efforts to control me will never serve them or me and are not successful. Yep, that's what I will do, I can't control them, I know that, but I can provide them with an opportunity to see that trying to control me is not and will not work".
Out of alignment son: I know I should do my schoolwork and turn it in, but I just don't always do that, not sure why, and I don't like that my parents are coming down on me and I am losing some of my privileges, why am I not just doing what I know I can do? Weird! Why can't I just do what I want, and school work just ain't what I want to do. And what's the deal with my parents anyway, they get so uptight about it, it not that big a deal"
Aligned TRUE SELF parent: I can't control my child, the one thing I can control is my thoughts and being aligned with my true self, and when I come from that place I can model for my child how best for them to create the life experience only they can imagine. Rather than trying to control my child, which isn't working anyway, I will make sure that my interactions with them are from alignment and not resistance, I know that by doing so, my child will naturally move in alignment with their TRUE SELF and their actions will be congruent with what is best for them. And I can guide them to understand that life is a journey and they will move in and out of alignment but they can recognize when they are out of alignment and then easily move back to alignment. This is responsible parenting that teaches my child how to be deliberate in their creation of their life experience"
Aligned son: Ah, when my parents are in a good place, it's so easy for me to do what is best for me, schoolwork is easy, and if it becomes a struggle to get it done, my parents are always ready to help me and they model for me how life can be easy by going with the flow and not resisting. Schoolwork is a piece of cake!! I do it effortlessly and then have all this free time to do other easy enjoyable things, and I have learned from my parents that life is ebbs and flows but how I think keeps me in the flow and when I get out of the flow, which I will, it's up to me to get back in the flow and that is easy to do. I model how my parents do it and life just seems to work better"
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